I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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