Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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