My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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