That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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