So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
