then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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