Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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