Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
