if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
