She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize