that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
