You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
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