after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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