dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
