I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize