Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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