Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I didn't shave. On purpose
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
