I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
