I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
