we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
