My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
