and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
