Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
