He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
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