her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
