can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Quick, to the slutcave!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
