He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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