She is in my trunk
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
