May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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