Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
