"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
