You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
