ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
