If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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