Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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