How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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