I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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