Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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