dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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