You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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