I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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