hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
