Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
