It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize