I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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