Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
