you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
