i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
