She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Bring me that man meat
Randomize
