We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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