I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
