she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
