i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
