That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
