Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
