just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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