It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
