I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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