Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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