So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
