This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Do vagina's smell?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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