she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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