there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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