i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
wow bdsm is so cute
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize