im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
