What did we do last night that was yellow?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize