I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize